Right now, it is -17 degrees outside. The wind chill is -45 degrees. I lasted 30 minutes in the extreme cold before I had to succumb to the bitterly cold winds. It’s been a lonely couple of days. If my last post was any indication, it’s become increasingly more difficult to sit in this 1920′s fortress of solitude, trapped by Mother Nature as if she is telling me to “get over” my depression.
Surprisingly, my day today was a complete turnaround from the previous. I contemplated my future for a bit, but for the most part — the day was filled with optimistic thoughts. I spent a great deal of time programming a couple of small web applications, diving deep into new technologies that I’ve never worked with. Learning something new always gets me amped up. My need to be less antisocial sometimes gets in the way though.
The small epiphany I had today was one that I’ve thought for most of my adult life. I was listening to a few interviews with Richard Dawkins. I’m not religious, and I’m probably a closet atheist who has told people I believe in some sort of higher power because I want to be accepted. Those interviews by Dawkins were filled with such certainty and confidence, I became inspired. I became enthusied about the future.
Why? Because seeing these people talk about these passions with such confidence and certainty made me believe that there is an equal out there like that for me. That is something I very much want in a partner. In fact, it’s a requirement. I don’t want someone who is just going to come home, take off their shoes, and take a four-hour nap, then do nothing for the rest of the night. I want passion!
Understandably, the connection is a bit odd. Atheism to love? Yeah, I find it odd as well, but I could feel it in my bones as I watched. It’s interesting how being forced into solitude by Mother Nature, something I was dreading, has actually helped me.