Time For Change

by cognitivelycomplex

I went to a birthday party today for my buddy’s one-year old little girl. It was the first time I’ve seen both him and his wife this year, which is crazy considering we usually saw them on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. We’ve all grown up and with that has come responsibilities.

We don’t see each other often due to his commitment to his family. They are a close-knit group, something that I’m envious of. But the reasons for my envy fade in and out in terms of the level of importance they have in my life. On some level, I would love to have that bond with my family. On another level, I love my freedom. The only problem is that I’ve never taken advantage of that freedom.

This was one of the thoughts that rattled through my brain today. It bothered me immensely. It made me depressed. What the fuck am I doing with my life?

With all the freedom I have, I’ve spent a considerable amount of it sitting on my ass. Yeah, I work out a lot, but other than that —  I’ve done nothing. I’m boring. I have nothing to talk about. I never have anything to say when someone asks me what I’ve been up to. In my mind, there is something seriously wrong with that.

And it isn’t just me. My son will suffer as well. I want to make sure he experiences the childhood I had. And I’ve failed at doing that. Things need to change.