It’s a Hard Knock Life, Single Dads

by cognitivelycomplex

For the past six months, I’ve been attempting to date online. I must admit, I was skeptical from the first keystroke I laid down. I tried desperately to impress the ladies with an influential self-summary followed by a witty list of six things I couldn’t do without. My very, very tiny list of incoming messages gives me the sense that my assessment isn’t giving anyone butterflies.

The only reasoning I can even fathom is that these women think they are going to come into my life and have to take care of a child from day one. What else could it be? I’m handsome (Well… this is debatable. I would say I’m average. Some say I’m above average. I have no idea), successful, passionate about what I do, well-read, and opinionated. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, but I get around the office, chatting up fellow colleagues. I hit the town from time to time, bantering with bar patrons as I liquor myself up to approach women. In nearly all cases, I’m not seeing any interest from the opposite sex. For lack of a less effective phrase to depict the situation… it fucking sucks.

I’m not going to sugar coat my needs here. I’m horny, god dammit. But that’s no reason to go running off into the sunset with the first woman off the boat. I have standards. I want someone who is also successful, well-read, passionate, and open to the idea of having a child with me. I want her to be concerned about her health, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and be active. Oh, and when my birthday comes around… every once in a while… could you organize a little surprise party, kiss me on the lips in front of everyone, and show me how much you appreciate me. Because I know damn well if I find someone like the person I described above — she’ll be my queen and I’ll never let her go.

Maybe I’m asking for too much though. I do have one bone to pick with the single ladies though. What the fuck is the problem with single Dads that you can’t give us even a smidgen of hope that you’ll give us a chance? We are mature, caring, loving parents who are walking through life scared shitless that we’ll fuck up our children. How is that a weakness exactly? I’ll never know. In my mind, our vulnerability makes us emotionally mature and open. Some of the women I’ve met superficially look at the situation as if they are a twenty-year-old version of myself and say “Fuck that! No way I’m raising someone else’s child!”

Is that what you think dating a single Dad is like? If I had my kid 100% of the time, it might be different, but I lead a very strange life. Every other day, I’m super Dad, coming home, working out, cooking, cleaning, teaching my son how to read and write, then playing Legos with him or showing him the intricacies of building a cannon in Minecraft. All the other times, I’m thirty-something bachelor with a lot to offer, yet I get bizarre looks by “girls” when I say I have a son. 

Sometimes, I just want to say fuck you. But I know there is someone special out there.. somewhere.